A Nudge from Spirit
On Friday morning I awoke before 6am. Sitting with my morning tea I knew in a flash that a long walk was calling me. A long walk rather than the usual rhythm that starts my day, leading to sitting at my desk attending this and that, and where so much waits, requiring attention.
A familiar walk over Clifton Gorge bridge to the woods was quickly rejected. Within minutes I knew what to do. A drive into Wales and up towards the mountains around Abergavenny quickly unfolded.
Shortly after 7 I was on my way. Every cell of my body in tune and ‘with’ me; the light unencumbered feeling of being in line, utterly on track, nothing discordant, all streaming ahead. This ‘rightness’ felt on other occasions when strong knowing was followed through.
Arriving at Sugar Loaf mountain I ate an apple and a cracker, along with some sips of camomile tea, before setting off up the mountain. Perfect conditions; cloud and sun and a good breeze encouraged me on; up and up until some ninety minutes later I stepped onto the long narrow ridge at the top.
I took time to survey the views from this side and that. To the north, land carved out into fields with farmhouses and dwellings scattered all around, then more mountains in a distance. To the south, the town of Abergavenny nestled in the valley with outlying buildings, more fields, and more mountains beyond.
A fair wind led me to finding some shelter, a little down from the top, where great rocks formed a protection from the wind and a resting place to sit against. I looked out to the north side spaciousness. A crow rose up cawing then glided on the wind, another confirmation of a rightness.
As I opened to a dreamy yet alert, presence in the moment, I felt again an utter ease and with it a clarity. Clarity of current things in process, that drew also on more distant things that have influenced and formed my life. A slotting into place so apt and helpful.
This bright mountain day illuminating, clear-seeing confirmation of how far I have come. Of a deep knowing now firmly in place. The past times when in a darkness, unsure, with no map or compass, I pressed on, determined to find a way.
Appreciating now the courage required to face the dark times and so to see more clearly. This shining light that reveals. And in so doing clarifies, bringing back lost life force.
How deep tensions and tightness in the body and breath, release over time, as we begin to face and feel what has been locked within.
I was seeing again how breath held and reduced had powerfully restricted my energy and life force. A long time established pattern of not breathing fully, of holding and limiting the flow of breath. This pattern that started so early, in order to block out toxic energies.
How things are passed on; the pain we all carry, passed down ignorance, and from a background of generations of suppression. Our own conditioning and experience that traps, until we begin to open, to look and to see.
The great loosening and freeing over years, enabled by daring to look and see. The becoming more conscious shining a light to reveal what had been obscured.
Out of the looking and seeing, the breath quite naturally over time relaxing into a flow of fuller, freer. Posture opening to an upright full height.
This propensity to follow my feeling and move with this, rather than some external dictate, ultimately delivered me to a freedom that was always waiting. A freedom I was drawn to, had felt from the earliest of times, and had somehow held fast to.
Now this wide spacious top of the mountain, 360 degree clear seeing; fine and fitting backwash for so much falling more into place. Where arising from my rocky perch I climbed back on to the ridge top, looked all around once more, before stepping lightly on to the path down. A sure picking my steps over rocky protrusions until the broadening out to a more regular easy walking track.
As I walked I remembered the other times and over many years when I have followed the nudges of Spirit. Of that deep within that informs and a knowing the right of it. The feeling in my body, the total ‘at ease’ alignment that confirms. An inner knowing where we may be guided by the real and the true of our deeper essence; this inner spirit.
How in recent times I have experienced more of this; within these transition times that are ripe for being guided by the real and true.
This that increases when we begin to know ourselves more fully. And through this process we begin to trust ourselves, where perhaps, long time questioning doubt has in the past prevented this.
Our opening to an exploration of our deeper layers begins to open a door to this trusting and where we can begin to follow more these nudges. In the process we reveal our own deep knowing, our own unique path.
This true way that is beyond any comparison. That finally reveals comparing ones life with another or others as the utter nonsense it is. This inner guidance the ultimate truth teller.
No need for hurry, push and shove; these are all great sticks in the spokes of the wheel. Everything in accordance to readiness. But still we press on. Finally we begin to drop into our own natural rhythm, guided more and more by our feeling, and from a deep respect for yourself and our own particular way of being.
Honour they self, ancient words of wisdom flow forth now as I sit at my desk. Honour yourself and find your way my friends. You have come here to be yourself, and so much is possible even in the midst of these challenging times. These times that are themselves throwing up the dark in so many ways, since there is an urgency now for waking up. For cleaning out and neutralizing all that is stacked up unattended and getting in the way of the beauty of who you really are.
We can be gentle with ourselves within these times at the same time as taking courage. And in accordance to whatever may be presenting on each day. Sometimes to do nothing and to give space, sometimes to forge on.
We will find our own way.
This magnificent mountain day, more productive than any sitting at my desk could ever have been.
Oh how good it is to follow through the nudge of spirit. How good it is to climb a mountain.
There is a stillness
There is a stillness within the stuff of lives
Open to this stillness.
It is beyond looking for anything or
trying to get; to get to,
it is the ‘dot’ in the middle of it all,
that wants for nothing.
When I am in the deep, and the ‘right here’
I find myself transported to this,
‘Tardis’ that waits has bourne me,
softly astonished, I sink, swell,
then rise the fullest, lightest being in being…
no rules, no should or ought,
unshackled silver white mare running free
neighing wildly to the wind.
I sit now, consciously
draw in this nourishment,
cells hungry to receive open
distilling essence,
so to remember…
remember……..
let it through with
every step, every breath,
every offered word
Kay Baxter